Saturday January 28, 2006
The rise of my chaos theory with the EX
The following was written last night:
It’s been a while since I’ve cried so hard during the night. HE’s the drama I dumped, I wished to forget, I tried to substitute, I tried to “figure out’, I tried to rationalize. It all turned out to be failed attempts, pretentious wants and needs, frozen time frame, fucked up illusions and more drama which were not even worth it for the life and love of me. HE’S the one person I can’t seem to be an animal to, the one person I can’t seem to “fake comprehend”, and the one and only drama I seem to miss and want to keep.
At the very knowledge of his touchdown, I wanted to die in HIS arms, fuck the world, fuck the judgments, fuck the risk, fuck the fuck-ups, because at that very second, nothing seems to matter. Most people call it love, I prefer to see it as more than love; it’s an understanding we had, and a whole new understanding we can explore, and a brand new risk and investment I am willing to take up.
He may be the drama I decided to put off, but HE remained the exact and one and only drama I am willing and secretly desire to keep. The provocation of tears is more than love, more than frustration, but rather a battle within myself. It’s an “I want” but “I don’t want” yet “I want” situation. The one memory or so called sticky waste that is left inside me is not of anyone but HIM. He still takes up the giga bites in my pc literally, the very vague and hidden space in the back of my head which has been marked archive, next to the recycle bin but somehow or rather, I never came to a point to erase it all off.
No matter how much I attempted to, it never worked. Currently, my heart hurts with an utter mixture and a thin line drawn between needing and wanting. HE is no super-structuralist but no amount of study regarding being and nothingness, civilization and madness will be able to draw my heart away from this seemingly insane drama that goes on simultaneously in my head and heart. It’s fuckin’ stupid but it’s what I’m seeking yet not wanting, but at the same time want very much.
Posted by snowism at 01:48 PM | Comments (2)
Thursday January 26, 2006
The drama of gigi-ism unfolds.
The following visuals were captured mostly in the "gigi-fication" asylum by the leader of gigi-ism (mua) before she was gigified by the evil person, the DENTIST! *eenc eeennc eeenc* (psycho theme song comes on).
I was already running late (like 10 mins) so I rushed into the asylum like an existence gone insane only to find out the evil person is not even IN yet. There were a few others waiting for the dude and I guess I must be the 3rd or 4th, so I ended up waiting for around an hour and a half to 2 hours.
Tic toc tic toc. I guess that very sound triggered my interest in noticing the various objects which have been placed there in the asylum in attempt to beautify the place. That's when every other existence in the same space as myself started hearing my camera phone clicking away. They were trying very very hard to pretend they were not noticing and I could see some, hiding their half twitched smile.
Object no.1: The perfect, healthy looking gigi clock.
Object no.2: The ever so perfect smiley lip with an awesome set of fake gigi as a greeting tool. Too bad it's inanimate. It would've been awesome if it says, "Welcome to the gigification asylum. Which gigi do you want OFF today?"
Object no.3: The fake plant which was constantly making a dee-doo sound everytime the censor blindly detected an object. Kind of got into my head after some time, it was driving me a little bonkers.
Object no.4: The YELLOW-ALL-THE-WAY idiot box which is RGB impaired. The more I stared at it, the more everything else got visually diluted in my head.
Object no.5: The object of existence which has been causing the camera phone clicking sounds.
Object no.6: The same object of existence slowly dying of impatience in her seat.
This is no object. It's a view. Finally when the gigification process became history, the TORTURED object of existence (mua) has to take a short cut in the hot sun, past the artwork of trash, looking for a porridge serving place.
Notice the communion of the crows on the roof. Kind of reminded me of myself and my colleagues at work.
Posted by snowism at 12:06 PM | Comments (2)
Tuesday January 24, 2006
The Case Of The Psycho Bear Licker
From rock climbing to bear licking.
This shows the latter consequences of passing my teddy choc to a rock climber.
Posted by snowism at 11:10 PM | Comments (0)
To sense and know but not FEEL.
DUDE: shit..you must feel like shit
DUDE: i am so so sorry
DUDE: if i am there with you, i would hug you
ME: i want to cry, but only 2 drops managed to stroll down my cheeks
DUDE: i will cry with you
ME: and for now, i am completely frozen
ME: no tears, no feelings, only disgust
ME: my theory was right
ME: everyone is a fuckin’ animal
ME: good, now i am very provoked to write this thesis
DUDE: nothing is what it seems anymore
DUDE: u okay?
ME: yep
ME: to see but not think
ME: to know and sense but not feel
ME: it's a great skill to acquire
ME: it's the greatest provocation for me to write
ME: a lot
DUDE: r u angry like right now?
ME: not sure, being angry is just oh too dramatic
ME: carnally, i am programmed to feel that way
DUDE: don’t bottle it up, it’s okay to be angry
DUDE: you have a right to
ME: no
ME: rights.. just an illusion for the comfort of our own "hearts" and "minds"
DUDE: a necessary illusion at this time, you must comfort yourself
ME: no, nothing is necessary
ME: all it causes is extra drama
DUDE: so be it
ME: i am allowing my sense of nothingness to do so
ME: to have memories haunt you, “it’s a sticky waste” (to quote lionel)
Posted by snowism at 12:53 AM | Comments (0)
Saturday January 21, 2006
Back to structuralism (black)?
After a day of pinkness, it was time for me to finally get back into a more comfortable color. I'm currently in pain. Feeling oh so unwell.
I said I quit. But I lied, to myself.
Move it already.
Posted by snowism at 01:04 AM | Comments (2)
Thursday January 19, 2006
The paparazzi's interpretation of my pink existence.
The following snapshots were taken by our very dear canggih photographer, "THE PAPPARAZI" aka. "MR. INKHEAD". I believe that the pictures show Mr. Papparazi's interpretation of me.
"The Papparazi" aka. "Mr Inkhead" revealed!
Come come, let me kiss you with my pinkness. muahaha
Wahhh...amazing amazing!
Oooooo..
The contemplating look of the century.
Try harder bitch, try harder! Go go go!
Try not to misinterpret this pose. :P
Posted by snowism at 09:57 PM | Comments (0)
Of lollipop-glam-fur-pinkness and snakey oh snake.
Today's one of those very rare occasions when Snow decided to go all pink, glam and fluff. Snow is at least 99% anti pink unless it's Ralph Lauren pink but that's besides the point. Let's just say that it is not often for Snow to be caught dead in that set of style. When I say pink and fluff, I mean "absofuckinlutely-lollipop-fluff-pink-diva-bitchness" kinda style. Brown's ok, blue's ok, even green or yellow is also fine, but PINK, mother fuckin' pink, "Dudette, you must be fuckin kiddin' me!" I intentionally wanted to provoke the "please-slap-that-pink-glam-fluff-bitch" reaction and it was rather fun!
When I trotted into the office this morning, I was greeted with an insane amount of, "Oh my God, Snow, you're wearing pink." There is no reason or certainty why I decided to wear just that and not to forget the complimentary retro-flower-power look(the OH SO PINK frame, tinted oversized sunnies). I spontaneously love to put myself in a position where I wear and do the things I despise the most. It's fun! Enjoy the following visuals. :)
I was told I look like a glam bitch trying to chill and stay away from her "I LOVE PINK" fans in this picture. haha
It's the rock climber's turn for a hint of pinkness!
Even Professor Everlast looked lovely in those pink oversized sunnies.
That pose definitely completed the whole retro-gay look.
Like pink was not enough to torture the light of day! My dude friend brought his pet snake to join in the fun. If I wasn't too afraid, I would've suggested that our dear Mr. Snoop (the name given by the owner to the cute snakey) wear my pink retro sunnies for a few snaps too. And I am proud to proclaim that today's the first day I ever ever ever touched a snake and held it for a looooooooong time. It may sound lame to the rest of the world but it is definitely an achivement to the "I'm scared of creepy crawlies" me. I was totally persuaded when he mentioned, "Don't worry Snow, the snake feels like just any other leather goods." I was like wow, that's one way to put it.
The dude wore his snake like an accessory. Nice.
He kept persuading me to "touch his snake". haha
Mr. Snoop is an artist too! That is Mr Snoop's artsy chill pose.
Stay tuned for MORE MORE MORE pinkness. Will update as soon as I get authorization from "The Papparazi" who took even BETTER pictures of the pink me.
Posted by snowism at 08:36 PM | Comments (0)
Re-discovering Gandalf
"Fly you fools."
Posted by snowism at 03:09 AM | Comments (0)
Tuesday January 17, 2006
Memoirs of a GAYsha
The GAY-sha said, "One of the woman in the movie said that if you walk pass a man and grab his attention (like for a long time), you're a true geisha."
And so the GAY-sha trots pass another dude (also gay) and got his attention.. well, our dear friend here has proved himself to be a true and worthy GAYsha. :)
Posted by snowism at 04:56 PM | Comments (0)
Peeing brown. ew
Since it's a total achievement for me to go all brown to an "all-black-only" company, it is definitely worth taking a few more shots (yes, in the loo) to commemorate my achievement.
Posted by snowism at 03:45 PM | Comments (0)
Monday January 16, 2006
Brown-ness
The outfit above is a complete set of brown (various hues) which I have put together for work tomorrow. haha. *speaking of vain* Well, I love to plan my outfit the night before so I don't have to be screaming all over the next morning, looking for my underwear or belt or thinking what matches what. Tomorrow's gonna be my ULTIMATE BROWN-NESS day. (my company's corporate color is black) SCREW THAT. Gotta just flaunt my faux fur BROWN/BEIGE bag. :)
I was told to put up this conversation by Lionel, the ultimate philosopher. Maybe it will justify the faux fur a little.:P
[00:11] Lionel: so how was ur day?
[00:12] snow: alright
[00:12] snow: met up an old ipoh friend
[00:12] snow: and then shopped and shopped
[00:12] snow: like a lunatic
[00:12] snow: :P
[00:13] Lionel: how did the ipoh thingy get connected to being lunatic?
[00:13] snow: well. in a few degrees of separation
[00:14] snow: he's the dude friend from ipoh who's a complete brand bitch and he reminded me how I used to be and so he sort of triggered my brand bitchness in me along the way and I submitted to it
[00:14] snow: :)
[00:15] snow: that's just a summarised version. there's a long version too
[00:15] snow: haha
[00:15] Lionel: ic, so are you going to put that in ur blog?
[00:16] snow: well.. not really
[00:16] snow: i am just gonna put a visual or two to illustrate my sudden brand bitchness
[00:16] snow: :)
[00:17] snow: well maybe i should aye. since you asked. so i save the writing part. just put the whole damn conversation
[00:17] snow: :)
[00:17] Lionel: :P
[00:18] snow: :P
[00:19] Lionel: so wat did u buy?
[00:20] snow: 3 pairs of shoes
[00:20] snow: two bags
[00:21] snow: and ermm.. a baby toothbrush and listerine and also an eyeshadow
[00:21] snow: hmm.. and also a weird lookin tie
[00:21] snow: :)
[00:28] Lionel: remember to put it all up on your blog, so that i can take a good look at it :)
[00:28] snow: hehehe i will
[00:28] snow: including this line. now now
[00:28] snow: :P
Posted by snowism at 12:44 AM | Comments (0)
Sunday January 15, 2006
Weird happenings (Part II)
The freaky appearence of Mr.Inkhead who used to be "The Papparazi".
"By the power of my INK HEAD you will GET NAKED! muahahahha muahahaha" (with intended evil-sounding voice)
Professor Everlast has finally seen the light. *shine on me baby, shine on me*
Seeing the light has resulted in some sort of incomprehensive mutation.
Posted by snowism at 02:41 PM | Comments (0)
Saturday January 14, 2006
All new emo metal band: TAK PE
muahahahah.. i love my boys.:) Honestly, they are all very intellectual people and everyone from the picture has given me permission to form "TAK PE" emo metal band for them.:P muahahhaha muahahahha.
Posted by snowism at 11:58 PM | Comments (0)
THE "pose-maut(s)" of the week
pose maut 2: "the cikgu se-no" phasing out.
pose maut 3: "the wankers reunited" to smoke or not to smoke? that is the question.
pose maut 4: "the papparazi" going for "the clint eastwood" look.
pose maut 5: "the super-unknown" jeng jeng jeng *shiversss*
pose maut 6: "the rock-man" I love the rail, now pass the joint. :P
Posted by snowism at 11:14 PM | Comments (0)
When the divider goes off...
Location: my workspace
Interpretation: my thinkin' spot
What happened?: Took off the bloody divider between me and the "rock climber" for more space (since he's also a sculptor aka. resident artist and he does not exactly need to use his table) so it's time for invasion.
Post off-dividerism: weird sightings and happenings.
Posted by snowism at 01:25 PM | Comments (0)
Wednesday January 11, 2006
I need a translator here.
My friend received an email this morning and it was kind of hilarious. Names have been X-ed out to protect the innocent (there's none guilty anyway). Enjoy.
"Good evening! Mr. XXXX.
This is XXXX.
Now at my home in JAPAN.
Today is holiday also I was climbing at always rock climbing area near my house.Very cold because fallen snow!I feel dear climbing in THAILAND.
Now in JAPAN is abnormal weather,many snow falling become human killing.Because fallen snow crush houses.
Snow is falling little is goodness, but such many falling is disagreeable.
I like warmly than cold,such like THAILAND,MALAYSIA.
Thank you good climbing in TON SAI.
If you coming JAPAN, please call me! And if I go to MALAYSIA ,Can I call you OK?
Then I pleasure to climbing with you in THAILAND again! May be I go to THAILAND for climbing on one or two years later.
GIVE MY REGARDS.
XXXX "
Posted by snowism at 12:44 PM | Comments (5)
The being minus the existence.
Posted by snowism at 12:22 PM | Comments (0)
Tuesday January 10, 2006
Enlightenment of the day/week.
I looked at the menu and I was contemplating whether to pick "strawberry loh" or "honeydew loh". It didn't take a long time for me to realise that the strawberry thingy is 3 to 4 bucks more expensive and my friend said, "Aiyah, it's strawberry ma, sure more expensive lor". I was like WTF, mate. I told my friend, fine, I'm taking the same one as hers.
When my "honeydew loh" arrived, my oh my, it's an art piece of it's own. What a great contrast in colors and textures! I quickly alerted my friend about it and she stared at me like I was going bonkers and at the same time gave me the WTF look. I told her that I was glad I did not order the "strawberry loh" cos everything will end up lookin like hues of the same red and that would suck and they're charging more for a non contrasting and uninteresting looking food.
I took a few pictures of that fascinating diluted green thingy topped with a RED RED RED cherry. It was almost orgasmic. My god. If only everyone's tits can look like the visual below. Lovely, just lovely.
Later we were heading back to my car and we passed by a pirated dvd heaven and a completely new breed of existence caught my eye in the midst of common objects. It was totally out of the ordinary and I couldn't help but put my so called 1.3 megapixel camera phone to test. I stood there and snapped the object of existence like a lunatic and when I finally completed my task, I was happy to finally head home for some "deconstruction of existence" work. Refer to the visual below.
Stay tuned for a more shocking update on my discovery of the new "K squared supersonic speed formula." A ground breaking theory of such will definitely take some time.
Posted by snowism at 09:30 PM | Comments (0)
Monday January 09, 2006
my book of thoughts
It took me a while searching for a notebook of a particular size with no lines, so cover design wasn't exactly a choice when I finally found one. It was pretty and shit but I hated it, so I tore out the front and back cover and "retartedly" drew my own cover. I love it.:)
The small prints are not exactly legible in the image above. It says:
Front cover:
witnessed by:
. Myself
. Charles the professor
. Munira with the indian eyes
. The empty chair
Back cover:
The chair is now occupied by Nizam the rock climber. *cool*
Posted by snowism at 10:51 PM | Comments (0)
Demystification of my workplace
left humanoid: Who took my fuckin' stapler!
right humanoid: I love cats that MEOW.
*right hero farts*
left hero: Man, you suck.
"The Papparazi": Is that a pimple?
"Professor Everlast": OMFG, you mean elephants cum that much??
dude: My scanner tells me that you guys are a bunch of wankers.
Posted by snowism at 03:15 PM | Comments (0)